he'll have one of his own (james)

As she could sense her son becoming increasingly anxious as they approached closer and closer to Evelyn's due date, Ginny wanted to take James to Diagon Alley for a spot of lunch, and just to get him out from the same four wall enclosure. He seemed to spend a lot of time sleeping and eating, so at least she didn't have to be concerned about that aspect of things; but she was worried he wasn't getting enough sunlight or exercise.

The Three Broomsticks was somewhere you couldn't really go wrong: good pub food and greater butterbeer, so Ginny had taken him there after they walked through Diagon for a while. There had been a few delays where she had stopped to talk to others, so she had worked up quite an appetite by the time they were seated. Good thing that her steak was delicious!

"Did you have a good time with your friends yesterday?" she asked pleasantly, smiling across at him.

@James Potter

For a while, James had assumed he completely accepted the reality of his situation. He had found it easier to cope with after finding out back in October, but as the due date came closer and closer, it was dawning on him just how terribly wrong he was. He did do some reading to prepare himself for the responsibility of having a child. Professor Riddle said you were never fully prepared; he, naturally, ended up feeling woefully unprepared.

He was still so young! He had a boyfriend, maybe two boyfriends. How the hell was he supposed to maintain that with a child and both of them still at Hogwarts? James was more fortunate than most teen parents that he had a very strong support system, but he was undergoing the stages of grief again. His life was never going to be the same, forever, and he struggled to comprehend the entire scope of it.

Although he'd never say no to lunch with mum, he felt more uncomfortable than ever being within the prying eyes of the public. James shot a few smiles and waves, but he felt completely out of his element. It made him think of America yet again and how he was able to feel normal, just like everyone else. Sure, the American Potters had some degree of notoriety, it was nowhere near what he had to grow up with.

"Huh, what, mum?" He had zoned out trying to ignore how crowded the Leaky Cauldron was. "Oh, yeah, I had a great time."

And having a child meant he'd have no choice but to have less fun. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

"Er, why did the hospital wing need ya?"

@Ginny Potter

"Oh, it's just boring stuff. We have to check from time to time that their stock meets hospital legalisation standards, and keep them up to date with anything new that we're using as treatments. Obviously I like to go back to Hogwarts, so I volunteered as the Healer who gives any new training to staff here."

She smiled, then sighed.

"Not as exciting as playing Quidditch... but I'm doing my bit."

And in adulthood, that's all what mattered.

She looked at him. He did look a little pale, and was clearly distracted.

"How are you doing though, James? I mean, really - you know you can talk to me about what's coming..."

@James Potter

The words his mum was saying weren't really going through his head; James picked at his fish and chips almost uninterested. How could he have his usual appetite when it's as if everything around him is crumbling?

"Mum, I don't bloody know what's wrong with me! Kid's not even out here in the world, breathing and shitting, yet, y'know, and I'm already bloody feeling like I'm losing my mind!"

Grabbing one of the chips, he shoved it into his mouth. "How the bloody hell am I gonna take care of a kid?! I couldn't even finish Hogwarts!"

Were people staring? He glanced around anxiously; just about everyone there were caught up in their own conversations.

@Ginny Potter

"I know. I know how you feel - I do."

She put down her knife and fork, seeing that he was merely battling with the peas on his plate and not actually eating them. Perhaps his appetite really had been compromised by the stress and worry.

"I was slightly older than you are when I had you, but I was still pretty young, you know. I was the youngest in my family: I hadn't ever held a baby before, and when you first appeared I treated you like a china doll: fearing and believing your head would break at any minute!" She chuckled slightly at the thought, because it was unimaginable now. "If anything, you are better off being out of Hogwarts to take on the role. I know you are anxious, and you are thinking about all the things that could happen, about mistakes you could make. But there are no mistakes: it's just a big learning curve. Like when you first entered Hogwarts and had your own wand, I'm sure you made plenty of mistakes. But no one got hurt. You yourself became the wizard you are today. I know it's easy for me to say, but you really will surprise yourself by how naturally nurturing becomes."

She smiled at him.

"And I am so proud of you, sweetheart. Both of us."

@James Potter

"Er, mum, I, er, appreciate the sentiment, yeah? But I dunno if I'd compare getting a wand and learning magic to caring for another live human!"

Pretty much everyone went to Hogwarts with a wand, not everyone at Hogwarts would become parents. The analogy was just odd to him!

"I sorta worry if all my schoolmates were right that I'd be a shit father, y'know? Just weeks before I found out 'bout him, I was partying and skipping classes and giving everyone a bloody hard time... I'm too bloody afraid that I might prove them right, y'know?"

His fingers tapped against the edge of the table; this was really making him crave a cigarette, but he was trying to curb that habit for the sprog. Doing that sucked. A lot.

Merlin, couldn't they have discussed this somewhere more secluded? Chances are, some opportunistic arsehole was eavesdropping to sell it to the papers.

@Ginny Potter

"I'm only trying to compare your own experiences with a similar feeling of anxiety," she said, chuckling, "But it really won't be as horrifying as you think. Perhaps it's better to think of it this way: people who are far less intelligent, far less better off and far less competant than you are have raised a child. The fact that you are fearing that you will be like your classmates say is reason enough that it won't happen."

She smiled.

"I have every confidence in you. The fears that you have are perfectly normal: every new parent has them, regardless of their age."

@James Potter

"Mum, when I was born, did you worry 'bout losing your freedom? You and dad were already outta Hogwarts and married, y'know? My kid's gonna have to go between two households 'cause Evelyn and I aren't together."

For obvious reasons.

@Ginny Potter

That wasn't a question she wanted to be asked, particularly as she wanted to be honest about it. But it wouldn't be good for James to hear that she had feared losing freedom: the fact she had to put her child to the back of her mind when playing a game of Quidditch, or that she felt guilty whenever she had to spend time away from them.

"I feared the change, of course I did."

Their circumstances were different, but she didn't want him to be fretting to much!

"Between two very loving households," she said, "And that's all he will ever know, so he wouldn't have to go through a split." She had seen how arguing parents had an impact on a child, but Evelyn and James were still friends. "If anything that means you always will get some time off, to yourself."

@James Potter

"Er, I didn't really bloody think 'bout that, but I dunno how easy that's gonna be in the autumn, y'know?"

His voice was sounding slightly hoarse, so James quickly gulped down some of his butterbeer.

"Evelyn's going back to Hogwarts, I'm not, so I gotta be constantly there when she ain't on holiday..."

Both Lien and Atticus would both be out of Hogwarts by then, at least, but he was so afraid to think about how a kid could affect everything between them. Atticus would probably be watching Alayna's and Ptolemy's spawn more while Lien would be attending university.

"At least you and dad could just send me to grandmum's and granddad's. Didn't have to do a lot of bloody thinking..."

@Ginny Potter

"Ahem. And what am I going to do? Stand there and watch you struggle?"

She giggled at him.

"You've got us - you've got Grandma Molly, Grandad Arthur. James: you will likely have too many family and friends volunteering to take care of the first in a new generation. They won't be missing a chance to have a sweet, adorable little baby around! I'm not saying that you're worrying for nothing, because I get it: but these fears of you being left alone without anyone to help is just silly!"

She nodded pointedly at his meal.

"Now come on. Eat up. You won't have any time to eat by the time the baby comes," she teased, chuckling.

@James Potter

James glanced down at the table, smiling slightly. He did sometimes forget just how big his family was...

"I do sorta feel bad for Evelyn though 'cause she's gonna miss all those milestones sitting in class, y'know? Y'know how those profs are, they're not gonna let her have her crystal out in class!"

He purposely left his on silent whenever he did actually attend classes so he'd be slightly less tempted to get on them and waste time away.

Picking up one of the fish, he ate a chunk out of it. This was no place for his usual trick to motivate him...

"Y'know that bloody annoying advertising company? They tried to get me to sponsor some brand of nappies. Did ya ever do such a thing when I was a wee lad?"

@Ginny Potter

"Yeah, I feel for her too. She's a very conscientious girl, but we'll send her lots of photos. I wonder if she would prefer doing her NEWT classes at the University. I was looking into it for you, in case you ever wanted to complete them, and there are options for studying them there. Perhaps that would be better for her, as she can then stay at home."

She wasn't going to push for him to finish his NEWTs, and it certainly didn't matter to her if he did or didn't complete them. He would come to his own decision about that, and she would support either decision he made.

"Oh - Merlin - nappies?!" She could have laughed, but she knew enough of others' harassment over the years to be empathetic. "Just tell them to get lost," she whispered, leaning forward so that she wouldn't be overheard, "I think there was a nappy rash potion I was asked to be a sponsor of - this was when Albus was born. They wanted him to take part in the copy as well. I just politely said no. I got roped into being a sponsor for broomsticks and things, and there was that advert of the Cleansweep series that they still put out every now and then."

She rolled her eyes.

@James Potter

"I dunno if she thought of doing that..."

She obviously took her education far more seriously than he ever did, which was why he was hoping the kid wouldn't inherit his lack of book smarts. If the kid was only half as dumb as he was, he'd be happy.

"I've been bloody telling them to! For fucking years! One of 'em even, urgh, gave me a free onesie like it'd be a bloody incentive! Fuck sake, I ain't desperate enough to give in 'cause I ain't poor!"

It was like they thought he'd fall for it! How many of his peers tried the modeling thing? At least five? Bloody parasites...

@Ginny Potter

"Language," she said pointedly, in a true mirror of her own Mother's tone of disapproval. "Better to practice that stuff now before the baby is born. I know he will just be a baby, but it's not nice to be effing and blinding around him."

She always had a smile on her face when she was giving James a 'lecture'.

"Awwh. All the baby clothes," she cooed excitedly, knowing that there was already quite a lot that had been bought and made by various relatives in storage. Her Mum was making at least five types of baby things at once, or she didn't feel quite content. "He's going to be so sweet. You just wait. However much mess they make, you look at their little faces and forgive them for it!"

She chuckled.

"Have you decided on any names between you yet?" she asked, trying not to sound desperate to know.

@James Potter

"Sorry, mum..."

Shit. How was he supposed to practice that in the last couple weeks before the kid is born?! Cussing was as natural to him as breathing! James dug through some of his chips to make more effort in cleaning his plate.

"What if he's a bloody poop machine?! He's gonna go through all those clothes before I can get him to nap!"

If the kid didn't grow exponentially, it'd be easier to deal with... He hoped that was how it worked.

"Er, we got a few name ideas, yeah?"

@Ginny Potter

Ginny giggled. Poop machine. They were poop machines, and they would get through a lot of clothes, but she didn't want to confirm his anxieties. All those things just became a lot easier in time, and soon he'll become obsessed with everything to do with poo.

"And...? Are you going to tell your dear Mum?"

Subtle bribes, subtle.

@James Potter

"When we're back home then. You'll tell me, won't you?"

She flashed him a smile and ate some of her chips.

"About that, though. I've spoken to Evelyn's Mother and the other Wizarding press, as well as arranged things with the Ministry. They aren't allowed to be anywhere near the birth, and can only mention minor details. I had to negotiate with them to keep them happy, so they may be announcing the birth in the papers a few weeks after, without any photographs or mentions of names or dates. It will be enough to keep people from snooping in."

@James Potter

He nodded sheepishly as he continued picking at his food. "Er, yeah, mum."

While he felt as if Harry didn't care too much if he wasn't able to put him down simultaneously. Of course, he wasn't going to mention it to mum. James didn't like to see her upset.

A smile as wide as a watermelon grew on his face as he heard what his mum was saying.

"You're doing all that sorta stuff, mum? You're the best!"

That was one less thing for him to worry about...

@Ginny Potter